Tonight’s feature was Snow White, a Disney character who is right up there with the Mouse himself as the founder of the Disney empire as Disney’s first full length, feature animated film. Snow White, despite keeping house for the dwarfs in a manner that superficially looks a lot like Wendy’s shenanigans in Neverland is actually much more acceptable for me.
1. Snow White exchanges services with the dwarfs, placing a value on her labor around their cottage. They protect her by letting her hide out there from the evil queen and in exchange she keeps the house clean.
2. Snow White is a smart girl if you just kind of ignore the whole apple thing. Not only does she get the animals of the forest to do much of the heavy lifting in terms of cleaning this woodland frat house, but she has the luck and genius to latch on to a group of dwarfs who own, operate, and profit from their own diamond mine. Unlike the Lost Boys who blindly spend their days fighting politically incorrect Indian wars and “following the leader,” the dwarfs are off to work they go each morning and they’re not getting any food ’til they clean themselves up. Their idea of a good time is a yodeling fest in the living room, not chopping the hands off of pirates.
3. Her prince is pretty good looking. He sounds a lot like Sleeping Beauty’s Prince Philip and has a similar look and lacks Peter’s immaturity and flirtatious nature that would’ve just landed Wendy in divorce court anyway without anything for alimony and maybe custody of the decimated, blown up tree house.
Don’t get me wrong, if I were picking a villain to go up against I’ll take the bungling Hook over the Evil Queen any day and there’s something to be said for the ability to fly, but at least the dwarfs have their act together. So the point in this round goes to Snow White, even though it really bothers me that she wakes up and doesn’t even ask, “Sooo, how’d I get in this glass coffin thing?”
Potential costume: A tattered version of her dress after running through the evil forest.