The Gym Nazi

Reason 146 why I hate the gym.

Hurricane Sandy has forced me indoors and I know I’ve completely lost my mind when I think that an unscheduled run on the treadmill sounds like a great idea. My building has one in the basement and since we still have power I decided what the hell and went downstairs for a treadmill run. The gym was empty except for the typical guy who just wanders from weight machine to weight machine without ever really looking like he’s doing anything.

Then, when I was up to mile 4 the cable went out for the 1/2 of the building that has Comcast and guess where they all went? The gym, which still had TV. Like roaches to Raid, they just swarmed in to the weight machines, the single eliptical, the stationary bike… And the two other treadmills. Then, at mile 6.5 the altercation happened.

20 year old on the next treadmill over to a girl standing behind her (who shall now be referred to as the gym Nazi): “you should tell her” points to me “to get off because there’s a 30 minute time limit and she’s been on way too long. It’s ridiculous!” Other girl: “Oh, no, it’s okay.”

Gym Nazi to me: “You really need to get off now, there’s a time limit.” Me: “I’m almost done.” Gym Nazi: “Well, I had to wait a really long time for you, like 15 minutes,  and if you want to just leisurely walk you can’t do that many miles. I should report you to the building!” Me: “Well, maybe you should mind your own business and stop looking over at my screen.” Gym Nazi: “People like you ruin the gym!” I proceeded to finish my 7 mile run at 8:20 pace, get off (wiped the machine off) and as I left I heard her whiny voice “what a bitch! You know, if you can’t move at a reasonable pace you just shouldn’t bother!”

Listen, I come from the doctrine of you snooze you loose and you wait your turn in line. But technically speaking, at my 30 minute mark no one was waiting and quite frankly, not all of us do a 1/4 mile jaunt on the treadmill while flipping through people.

Oh god I hate the gym.

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