Working it at home: Shut Up and Work Out

Target $1 bin, there were also elephant shaped ones.

Target $1 bin, there were also elephant shaped ones.

I was at Target over the weekend feeding my addiction for all things cheap that I don’t need (like a duck shaped $1 watering can). But I also realized over the last couple of weeks that I lost weight, great, but I don’t feel toned… If anything, I feel more flabby like someone let the air out of the balloon that was my stomach.

So while I was shopping around, I found Jillian Michaels’ Killer Abs and 30 Day Shred. In the same way that I started Crunch’s Fat Burning Pilates because I wanted to, you know, burn fat, I figured I would try this since I really wanted killer abs. You know, the kind of abs that would knife other people’s abs in alleyways or become the central focus of a show like Criminal Minds where the BAU sits around saying, “Her abs are doing it!” Yup.

So after I staged my own personal Trader Joe’s 10K (you know, where you run around the block Trader Joe’s is on for 6.2 miles then finish up buying daffodils and sesame sticks) I was feeling ready to try out the DVD ($9.69 at Target but I could’ve gotten it for $7.99 at Amazon). So it’s basically 30 minutes per workout with three different levels which seems the norm for her videos. Being a total pansy I of course went to level 1. She had me doing cardio and I was all, “Bitch, I just ran 6.2 miles in 1:00:10 I don’t need no stinkin’ cardio.”

I could live with those abs...

I could live with those abs…

People apparently have very strong feelings about her and the perceived abuse of fat people that she engages in and potentially just has a really annoying personality but I’ve never watched the Biggest Loser (I know, I’m going to weight loss junkie hell) so I have no opinion of her. Honestly, not too obnoxious on the video, in fact less irritating than some of the people who put up yoga videos on the Yoga Journal website, which usually look like they were made in their living rooms after taking some kind of sedative or going one toke over the line if you know what I mean.

Moving on. It was thirty minutes and the next day I woke up with my lower back killing me and feeling like I pulled something in my neck. The day after that, still feeling it in the lower back, neck and butt so all around I’m going to say it was doing something. If it doesn’t maim me it can only make me stronger, right?

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