The Haretoise

So today the winner of the NYC half marathon did it in 61 minutes. And that’s not the fastest it’s been run.

In related news, I did my five miles in just under that amount of time.

You see, much like Harvey Dent on Batman or Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde to make a more literary reference, I’m never really sure who’ll show up: the person who can speed along through the miles or the person who is going to need her wahmbulance. So when I spent most of the day sitting on the couch getting creeped out by Kojak and his Barry White treatment of every lady in the City, I knew it wasn’t going to be a good day for running (though I did realize that both Kojak and I share a love of the lollipop in the workplace).

Thankfully, though, Twilight came on! I’ve never seen the movie or read the books (I’m a part of the Harry Potter generation). It was so slow moving it actually motivated me to get up and go to the gym, get on the treadmill, and do my miles. Seriously: I’d rather go on a treadmill than watch this movie. It’s more entertaining watching myself sweat in a mirror than watching the angst-ridden staring. If you leave that movie on, regardless of your actual pace you’ll feel like you’re going at light speed compared to the plot and Kristen Stewart’s facial expressions. “Why didn’t you let the van crush me?! The movie would’ve been so much shorter and could’ve saved all these people a lot of angst…”

Seriously.

Seriously.

So I’ve made clear that I want to break 2 hours in the half marathon. We’ll leave breaking one hour for when I get my superpowers in some kind of horrible, yet oddly and serendipitously beneficial, lab experiment. Last week I hit it on the 4 miles coming in just under 9 minutes/mile. This past week I did three miles averaging about 8:30 a mile. Then I hit the wall, my legs turned to cement, and my body was all, “F you.”

I remember when just covering 5 miles would’ve been enough… Speed is something I’m really self-conscious about. Like, wearing shorts self-conscious because I spend the whole time thinking my thighs look fat. Why do they double in size when I sit down?! and oh my god am I jiggling?! Yeah. Like that. It’s one of those ways that you measure yourself against everyone else. So I was thankful for Twilight and its ability to get me off the couch and out the door.

I will say, I think that the time goals and speed training have been a good way to mix things up and have helped me speed up, but I also think that when my fear of not going fast enough (for me or for a group run) keeps me from running at all, I have a problem. Not quite an I’m-in-love-with-a-vampire-and-having-his-undead-dead-vampire-baby problem, but a problem nonetheless.

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