Poor Unfortunate Souls

I imagine that the conversations went something like this. . .

  • Runner: I really want more Disney medals. . . [mouse enters]
  • Mickey: Well, shucks, there is a way for you to do that. . .
  • Runner: Really?
  • Mickey: The only way to get what you want is to run 48.6 miles in one weekend.
  • Runner: Can I do that? Can you throw that kind of race?
  • Mickey: My dear, sweet, child, that’s what I do. It’s what I live for. To help addicted runners like yourself. Poor souls, with no one else to turn to for their fix, especially with those poorly executed Rock N Roll races.

Mickey: [cue music) I admit that in the past I’ve been a nasty, they weren’t kidding when they called me, well, a rat, but you’ll find that nowadays I’ve mended all my ways repented seen the light and made a switch, true, yes. And I fortunately know a little magic, it’s a talent that I got from a pointy hat. And dear lately, please don’t laugh, I use it on behalf of the obsessive, compulsive and anal (pathetic) poor unfortunate souls. Overweight, in need, this one longing to be thinner that one wants to get the medal . .

And do I help them? Yes, indeed.

Those poor unfortunate souls, so sad, so true, they come flocking to my world crying races, Mickey, please! And I help them? Yes I do.

Now, it’s happened once or twice, someone couldn’t pay the price, and I’m afraid the bus had to pick them up on the road. Oh yes, I’ve had the odd complaint but regardless they’ve gotten their medals, those poor unfortunate souls.

Now, have we got a deal?

  • Runner: If I run all these races. . . I’ll never see my family all weekend. I’ll never go on a ride. I won’t be able to walk come Monday.
  • Mickey: Yes, but you’ll have your medals. Life’s full of tough choices, ain’t it? Oh! And there is one more thing.
  • Runner: One more thing?
  • Mickey: Yes, we haven’t discussed the subject of payment.
  • Runner: But, I’m still deadass broke from Princess…
  • Mickey: It’s just a token really. . . A trifle. What I want from you is. . . $550, plus the cost of extra race merchandise, as well as the cost of air travel, car travel, hotel, park tickets, and some odds and ends.
  • Runner: I could sell you my soul. . .
  • Mickey: Oh, sweetie, I already have that, remember when you just had to do the Dumbo Double Dare?
  • Runner: Ohhh, right… I didn’t know there would be another combo race! I guess I could do it in 2015. . .
  • Mickey: You know, if I decide to do it again.
  • Runner: But!
  • Mickey: You’ll have your dumbo, your coast to coast, and don’t underestimate the 20th anniversary marathon medal. Ha! The men on the roads like a lot of bling, they think a girl without bling is a bore, yes runners prefer for people not to say a word and after all dear what are medals holders for? Come on! they’re not all that impressed with cheap talk! True runners avoid it when they can! But they fawn on a lady who’s got gold, it’s she’s who’s got her medals who gets it all! Come on you poor unfortunate soul, go ahead, make your choice! I’m a very busy mouse and I haven’t got all day! It won’t cost much, just every dime you’ll ever have! You poor unfortunate soul, it’s sad, but true… If you want to cross the finish my sweet, you’ve got to pay the toll, take a gulp and take a breath and go ahead and submit payment! Goofy, Pluto now I’ve got her boys, the boss is on a roll! You poor, unfortunate souls!



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