And by victory I mean third place.
In my age category.
That’s right, bitches, I did a 5k this weekend and found out this afternoon that I came in THIRD for my age group, 20-29 year old females. What are my racing secrets, you ask? How can you achieve the same amazing results I did? *cue music*
I was just a small town girl, living in a lonely world… Running that 5k going anywhere. They were just other 20-29 year old females, born and raised in NJ I guess. They took the same 5k going somewhere towards Pennsylvania.
I’d seen them at the bib pick up, the smell of unwashed running clothes. For a smile you get absolutely nothing and the course directions go on and on and on and on…
Strangers, Waiting. Up and down the canal course, they’re shadows with cowbells ringing loud.
Backyards, people, just trying to mow their lawns,
yelling, watch out for my iris!
Workin’ hard to keep my pace, beat out that damn spitter, paying anything to keep up with that other Mickey marathoner.
Some will win, Some will lose, some were born to sing the blues. Oh this damn course never ends, it goes on and on and on and on…
Don’t stop believin’, hold on to that feeling… 5k runners, whooooa….
Oh you wanted something more practical and concrete and less Journey? First, pick a race with very few 20-29 year old females. Second, make sure the 5 other people in your age group are pushing jogging strollers up really steep hills. The other thing is go out really fast and just hold on for dear life for as long as possible, all the while hoping there are some everything bagels left at the finish.
If I had been in any other age category, including the 50-59 year old group, I would’ve gotten my ass kicked and never placed but this just goes to show you that excellence, or mediocrity, in the world of running has nothing to do with how you’re running but rather how everyone around you is running. But they sucked more than I did and guess what? When I found out I blasted Queen’s we are the champions in my office because this is about it for athletic accomplishments for me.
And yes, I greatly enjoyed beating out the girl who spit the entire 3.1 miles to get my third place age group win. (It’s under the overall winners link on the website, so it’s de facto A WIN.) That’s right, kids, you don’t have to spit to win! I’m already booking inspirational speaking engagements so get in on the ground floor.
Unfortunately, my sister was in a rush to get to Target so I wasn’t able to stick around for the awards and get mine.. Probably the only running award I’ll ever get. In all honesty, I thought they had given out the awards already–this is what usually happens at a smaller race. By the time I finish the awards are usually done and the winners are totally out of there, showered, and on to brunch or something.
It was a great small race, the weather was wonderful, the bagels were really good… Before the race they used a bullhorn to tell us where we were going and at one point we cut through someone’s backyard. The two girls behind me were saying, “Okay, so are we seriously supposed to remember this?”
“No, no, it’s okay, there’ll be a ton of people in front of us, I think we’re okay. We’ll just follow them.”
“Great. ’cause he totally lost me after ‘go straight’.”