Vacation all I ever wanted…

I haven’t been somewhere other than Disney World and/or my parents’ house in middle of nowhere FL in at least 6 years. And now every time I go to Disney I go to do a race. I’m calling BS on labeling that as a vacation. There was a brief period in my time when we traveled a lot. We tend to do things all or nothing in my family. One summer, we traveled to Italy, California, Florida, and Japan in the span of two months.

My mother insisted we should be on Continental’s elite status brochure as a family of all elite status fliers. The free upgrades! My father was like titanium status by the fall.

You talking about me, bitch?

You talking about me, bitch?

Then this little package arrived and we didn’t go anywhere because absolutely no one could take of her the way she needed to be taken care of. Don’t get me wrong, I love Coco, but while my mother had no problem putting our two labs in a kennel for the weekend or with a dogsitter, for some reason Coco never quite made that leap. In fact, my mother cancelled a trip to Paris and went banging on the kennel’s doors demanding they give her her dog back.

It was… not pretty but quite memorable and Coco hasn’t been in one since. We don’t even entertain it as an option. You’re lucky you’re so damn cute, Coco. Real lucky.

So I was looking around and a friend from the Virgin Islands was talking about discounted ways to go to the Caribbean and I decided it was time to return to a family favorite vacation spot that required no long flights, no connecting flights, nothing.

*Cue Mannequin: On the Move goons*


BERMUDA. That’s right, I’m going to Bermuda for a whole week. Whenever I hear anyone say “Bermuda” I immediately think of that movie Mannequin 2: On the Move (which I still assert is an amazing movie) and those three guys up there who are so excited because when the princess finally stops being a mannequin they’re all going to Bermuda and they always yell out in thick German accents, “BERMUDA!”


I’m pretty excited even if everyone I work with thinks this is an insufficiently exotic vacation, but I have always loved Bermuda even when we went and took my grandmother along for the ride. I’m already buying sun dresses off of Modcloth because I’m not spending my whole vacation going to dinner in denim capris and race shirts.


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