Running Fashion: Short Story

I am the least fashionable runner ever. You can’t miss me running through the District because 95% of the time I just look ridiculous. No, seriously, I look insane. I have on neon everything, nothing really matches, and it’s never just an old tshirt and running shorts that says “I run but I’m really casual about it.” My wardrobe looks like “I’m trying REALLY hard!” One of the reasons I can’t achieve this casual run look is because I can’t wear running shorts. I have that condition, what’s it called, frontal wedgie? Yeah, I got a bad case of that.

Google made me feel somewhat better by auto offering this suggestion: Screen shot 2013-09-23 at 10.11.49 PMIt’s on there. If you don’t know why your running shorts smell, I’m sorry, but you’re a moron. There are articles and message boards threads on the subject: here, here… Basically, the plethora of message board threads that pop up indicate to me that this a real problem and I have done copious amounts of research into the topic.

I’ve tried a lot of different pairs of shorts in extra large and small sizes, in longer and shorter lengths, cheap and expensive brands but always the same wedgie happens. ALWAYS.

Exhibit A: The Oiselle Roga shorts. I got these on sale through Amazing for $20- bought the largest size and in a tall. Big time crotch wedgie. (In all honesty, I’ve found the quality of Oiselle to be really lacking especially for their prices, I got a t-shirt from them last year that I’ve worn once or twice and it already had a hole in it so I don’t shop them much.)

So I figured I would try the fitted shorts. Maybe the bagginess was my problem.

Exhibit B: Lululemon Groove shorts. HAHAHAHA. No. I can wear them for laundry and for sitting in my apartment alone, though. But unless all of DC wants to see my ass and thigh jiggle these stay safely at home out of sight and out of mind. Plus, they ride up big time.

In between I’ve tried many different pairs and styles of shorts. Cheap, expensive, it doesn’t matter–unless they go down to my knees and are really fitted they’re just going to ride up. I will never achieve that relaxed, casual runner look other people have because chafing and wedgies! OH THE HUMANITY the chafing! I just can’t. I so badly want to but alas, it is impossible for me. The only shorts that consistently are comfortable and don’t ride up are on my sparkletech. That’s it.

Anyone else? This is a safe space and if you know of a magic shorts that solves this problem please share.


13 thoughts on “Running Fashion: Short Story

  1. Target. I have one magical pair of Target shorts that work great, and one pair of the EXACT SAME SHORTS but in a different color that are workable enough. (Seriously, what IS that?) And the nice thing about Target workout stuff is that even if you buy a dud, at least you didn’t drop much cash on it.

    That having been said, don’t buy the Target running skirts with built in shorts. They ride up for realsies.

  2. I can’t wear cute running shorts like a lot of people–like you, I have the chafing issue. But I have a pair of Nike shorts that work great for me. They’re spandex, like running capri tights but they only go mid-thigh. They cover the jiggly parts with no chafing or annoying bunching. Whee!

  3. Old Navy’s running shorts are the best I’ve ever worn. No ride up whatsoever! This link and theyre on major sale.

    My legs are muscular but not the biggest part of my body, but I really don’t feel comfortable in those super tight spandex-y shorts. I have 2 pairs from TJ Maxx (brand is MPG) but the legs fit loose, however i have to pull them down a few times from riding up.

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