I’m getting nervous about Marine Corps. Like super duper nervous.
So let’s take a look at some of the best sports movies of all time to get us ready for the big event because honestly I never watch military inspired movies so that’s not exactly my forte.
First up the best sports film ever made in the history of the universe: The Cutting Edge.
I know, right? It’s insane how classic, timeless, and amazing this movie is. Douglas Dorsey is an Olympic hockey player, Kate Moseley is the prissy upper class princess figure skater who needs a new partner who can tame her wild, bitchy ways. When Doug suffers a debilitating hockey injury that leaves him with a blind spot he turns to figure skating as a way to keep “smelling the ice” and he’s just the guy to put the princess in her place.
This movie has everything: the Olympics, a Russian coach (because everyone knows if you want to win you’ve got to find yourself a hardcore Soviet), a competition with the Russians because this is still the Cold War, people, romantic tension, outstanding outfits… It’s everything you want in a sports movie. Everything.
Wow, I couldn’t even write that with a straight face.
Of course there’s also The Mighty Ducks, the movie that made moving to Minneapolis vaguely, kinda, sorta, maybe okay and the only reason I ever visited the Mall of America. It’s your usual underdog versus well funded nasty team story of triumph and overcoming the odds. Oh, wait, you didn’t know the Mighty Ducks would win? I bet you didn’t know Emilio Estevez was “kinda Spanish” either (thanks, Rose Nylund, for clearing that up).
But let’s move off the ice and onto the baseball field to two amazing films: Little Big League and The Sandlot. I think we can all agree the Sandlot is the best movie ever made–just ask Wendy Peffercorn. Wait, what, you don’t think it’s the best movie ever? Ugh, you’re killing me, Smalls.
The Sandlot is a great way to think about running: you may have grandiose dreams of being a big time professional that you’ll never achieve but that doesn’t mean you don’t keep doing it. It brings you joy, happiness, and a freedom that lets you escape the bs in your life and you get that moment when you feel like a big leaguer under the lights of some great stadium. Sometimes you need to just pack it in and go to the pool. And when in doubt, psych out the people around you by telling them: “you bob for apples in the toilet and you like it.”
And always just remind yourself, “Don’t be a doofus. Don’t be a doofus.”
Then there’s Little Big League, which is not quite The Sandlot but still a great movie because a Bill Heywood’s got to do what a Bill Heywood’s got to do. It totally beats out Rookie of the Year. Bill Heywood inherits the Minnesota Twins from his grandfather, so this one is more about growing up and learning personal responsibility and personnel management as opposed to actually participating in anything. If your kids aspire to “manage” as opposed to actually playing on the team this is totally the one for them.
And not exactly a “sports” movie, but 3 Ninjas because let’s be honest who loses that crush they had on Colt? Not me. And I still hope to one day become an amazing martial artist who is capable of kicking the ass of men 3 times my age even those at this point that would make those men 90 so… yeah… There’s also International Velvet, which I throw out there are something no one will ever watch and that is totally not related to running at all.
A League of Their Own, for all the ladies out there, who wanted a sports movie for themselves and because who doesn’t enjoy yelling at their co-workers, “There’s no crying in baseball!” even when it’s totally irrelevant? There’s also a little movie called Spirit of the Marathon that will make you love Deena Kastor even more as if that were possible.
As you can tell from this list, I basically watched sports movies between 1989 and 1995. I’ve heard there are other movies like something called Rocky that has like a good song in it or something but I’ve never seen it. Rudy, that movie sucks, I think we all know that. And there’s apparently a little movie called Chariots of Fire? I’ve never seen it… I hear that one has a snappy soundtrack too…
Any suggestions? And no, trashing the Sandlot is not acceptable here.