Part 1: My mother keeps calling to tell me about how the new thing is something called the “knock out” game where rowdy, unsupervised youngsters are going around trying to punch people unconscious in one shot and this is something happening in New York and DC. Regardless of this, the darkness has definitely curtailed my running routes because despite what I tell my mother, safety is always a concern. Anything park-like is completely out. I know what you’re thinking: run in the morning. You morning runners can bite me, I’m not joining your sick cult.
Part 2: My mother has also informed me that she saw on the news that Trader Joe’s is one of the cleanest supermarkets. It beats out Whole Foods, where the rats eat in the bulk food section and frolic through those damn bulk bath salts and soap shit they’re always pushing. My mother is a news junkie.
How do these two seemingly unrelated tidbits of information from my mother fit together? I run near Trader Joe’s during the winter months, duh. So naturally I stopped in after my run to get a sample, ’cause you gotta refuel, some bananas because I won’t eat oatmeal without them now, AND *drum roll* mini pies! These are amazingly, magically delicious if you’re a crust person. It’s basically a giant bite of really buttery crust. The holidayes bring out a great side to TJ and these pies are one of them.
Now, if you’ll excuse I’m going to do some at home yoga because I used to be able to touch my toes and have somehow lost that ability. Yup. That’s the way it is now.