Sad Runner’s Diary

I love the Sad Cat Diary. I don’t have a cat but dammit internet cat culture is adorable and irresistible (and I was stuck for 4+ hours on an Amtrak train) so I give you the Sad Runners’ Diary.

“Dear Diary,
I only have two pairs of running sneakers. I feel this is inadequate and means I am not a runner. I will justify buying more pairs as an injury prevention move to the authorities, but they will not understand. They never do.”

“Dear Diary,
There was a hurricane today so I didn’t run but my Facebook feed is full of people who did. I feel weak.”

“Dear Diary,
My iPod died on mile 1 of a 5 mile run. It took all my willpower to continue.”

“Dear Diary,
The authorities said they will not wake up at 5am to stand in the cold for hours to catch a brief glimpse of me as I run past, nor will they dedicate time to making a flashy sign.

I feel unloved.”

“Dear Diary,
My marathon was cancelled because of inclement weather. Mother Nature and the city of Dallas must hate runners. I wanted to go out and run anyway to show solidarity with my people, but the authorities sent me inside after discovering I was not homeless.”

“Dear Diary,
My running shoe is being discontinued. The world no longer has meaning.”

“Dear Diary,
At my marathon today I had to choose between a BQ time and a bathroom stop. The authorities would not let me in their car for the ride home.”

“Dear Diary,
Today I went to the doctor for my self-inflicted running injury. He said to stop running. There is no reason in this mad world.”

“Dear Diary,
I have an ‘overuse injury.’ It is painful but I know the answer is more running. I must be brave.”

“Dear Diary,
Runners’ World is catering to slow people now. I would be angrier with the state of my sport if I didn’t keep winning my age group. Secretly I am happy, publicly I shame the slow. Tell no one.”

“Dear Diary,
The authorities threw out a pair of sneakers because they claim the sneakers smelled and had holes. There will be hell to pay.”

“Dear Diary,
The authorities say we cannot plan our vacation around a destination race. They are spiteful and selfish.”

“Dear Diary,
The weather has begun to warm. Although it is still under 30 degrees, I feel I must run shirtless. It is for the benefit of everyone.”

“Dear Diary,
Today I have pneumonia. I asked the doctor if it was in the chest or the head–if it was the head, I knew I had no excuse to not run. The doctor assured me there was something wrong with the chest and the head. The medical profession mocks me.”

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Sad Runner’s Diary

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s