Shrek Foot: Or how stupid struck again

You might be wondering why I haven’t been dazzling you with how well my return to running is going. Or you might have a life and not give a shit about this at all. Either way, I haven’t been running because guess who fucked up her foot nice and good by falling off her couch?

Yes, that’s right, I fell off my fucking couch. My foot fell asleep, I tried to stand up anyway, and my foot did something (beats the shit out of me what because I couldn’t feel it at all) and next thing I knew I was on the floor writhing in agony. 10-15 minutes later, my foot had swelled up nicely, and the next afternoon it’d turned a nice, unique hue of blue and a purplish red. It didn’t quite fit in my shoe yesterday or today and one co-worker commented, “it kinda looks like a Shrek foot.”

Naturally, I went to google instead of going to an actual doctor. It’s cheaper and gives me the same pointless information. It’s not like the doctor would do much anyway and I’m not paying that copay, so I shall continue to hobble until such time as the foot either heals or falls off.

At this point, I don’t know when I’ll be able to run again. I assume that this will come some time after I can walk like a normal human being. January has been the month of fucking up my body in new and painful ways, it turns out, so I can’t wait for this month to be over.

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22 thoughts on “Shrek Foot: Or how stupid struck again

  1. Oh god. No. My boyfriend fucked up his foot whilst running at the beginning of summer last year, and it’s still messed up (which is why he deferred the WDW Marathon until 2015). Even though he was uninsured at the time, he paid big bucks to go to urgent care (mostly so he could get crutches because he couldn’t put any weight on it) and they told him his foot would be better in a month. Doctors are liars.

  2. Eek. You should marry a Canadian–it might be cold, but the healthcare is free (even for specialists and second opinions)and lots of employers cover massage, physio, meds, and even some supplemental equipment like braces, crutches, etc. The only negative is that there is usually a weight for significant surgeries as well as specialists.

  3. You forgot the “while I was crimping my hair” part. That’s okay, you’re forgiven. I hope your foot doesn’t fall off.

  4. Oh no! I’m sorry. I’ve sprained my ankle falling off the LAST step of a flight of stairs. But, allowing your foot to rest gives you plenty of time to find bootleg copies of Frozen online!

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