You might be wondering why I haven’t been dazzling you with how well my return to running is going. Or you might have a life and not give a shit about this at all. Either way, I haven’t been running because guess who fucked up her foot nice and good by falling off her couch?
Yes, that’s right, I fell off my fucking couch. My foot fell asleep, I tried to stand up anyway, and my foot did something (beats the shit out of me what because I couldn’t feel it at all) and next thing I knew I was on the floor writhing in agony. 10-15 minutes later, my foot had swelled up nicely, and the next afternoon it’d turned a nice, unique hue of blue and a purplish red. It didn’t quite fit in my shoe yesterday or today and one co-worker commented, “it kinda looks like a Shrek foot.”
Naturally, I went to google instead of going to an actual doctor. It’s cheaper and gives me the same pointless information. It’s not like the doctor would do much anyway and I’m not paying that copay, so I shall continue to hobble until such time as the foot either heals or falls off.
At this point, I don’t know when I’ll be able to run again. I assume that this will come some time after I can walk like a normal human being. January has been the month of fucking up my body in new and painful ways, it turns out, so I can’t wait for this month to be over.