This is a thing that really happened. Twice. The Boardwalk is a great place to hang out in Disney World, and Margarita Joe’s sells soft pretzels in the shape of Mickey Mouse for people who are too lazy to go into Epcot and get the really good German pretzels with the higher quality mustard. (FYI the mustard at Margarita Joe’s is crappy yellow mustard and the German mustard is Gulden’s mustard, which, while not exactly grey poupon is still better than that crappy mustard. Don’t think I didn’t notice this.)
So like I was saying. I was having a pretzel each day because it’s carbs and salt and I remember reading that that’s important for runners or something. And I love soft pretzels. Love. Them. Now that the Philly marathon doesn’t serve them anymore I’m seriously reconsidering ever doing it. Yeah, you heard me right.
Where was I? OH RIGHT THAT TIME A BIRD VICIOUSLY ATTACKED ME. My sister and I sat outside on the Boardwalk with said soft pretzel. I was happily munching on my pretzel when I noticed there were a lot of birds sitting around watching us. One sat on the chair just watching me and I felt bad for said bird because it looked like his foot was injured. That bird left and was replaced by another one who watched me, WAITED FOR ME TO PUT THE MUSTARD ON THE PRETZEL, THEN ATTACKED.
The bird literally had me put mustard on a pretzel for him/she/it/whatever. My hand was scratched by its cruel, vicious, pretzel hungry talons but I love pretzels too much and he didn’t get the piece I had in my hand. Needless to say, I couldn’t eat it now so I threw it into the water and watched as 20 birds followed it and looked like they were going to kill each other to get this little hunk of pretzel. The moral of the story: I don’t recommend sitting outside to eat on the Boardwalk. I observed this same thing happen to other people (but as always, I thought it could never happen to me BUT IT CAN AND IT DID). Alfred Hitchcock was right about birds. Oddly enough, I sat outside at the Beach Club to eat and was not accosted by these brutal birds.
As a quick update: I was in Georgetown this weekend when a pigeon flew into the back of my head. I was horrified and disgusted. Vermin with wings. Anyway, since it was a Georgetown bird you know it was rich and will never be brought to justice for what it did to me but let me assure you, birds of the world, I’M WATCHING YOU AND I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE CAPABLE OF.