Feet, man, they’re just so… foot like. I find myself talking to my left foot lately and saying things like, “no wonder people hate feet! You’re so damn annoying!” and “HEAL! JUST FUCKING HEAL ALREADY!” I imagine my foot responds by saying, “weigh a little less and maybe I would, you stupid jerk.”
I’m trying to keep myself in the zone where I just stay off it but at this point I’m kinda starting to get to the point where I’m thinking, “Hey, you know what, time to just suck it up and run and deal with the pain in a more irresponsible way, like pain killers and excessive ice pack usage.” Like EJ and Sami’s tumultuous relationship on Days lately, my foot and I… We just can’t go on like this.
I finally mustered the courage to go to the health unit at work, where they judge you and ask you to do terrible things like get on a scale in the waiting room so everyone can hear how much you weigh, because the other option was an actual doctor and I don’t have that in my budget. It was suggested, based on what my foot looked like and the pain I was feeling, that I maybe like, fractured something or something? “That takes weeks to heal, so you’ll probably be awhile before you can do much on it.” It was vague like horoscope in a way that wasn’t really all that helpful. I was hoping for something more along the lines of, “go for a run, it’ll heal EVERYTHING.”
I like to think this kind of medical advice is like my mother’s advice: sure, it’s probably right, but I can choose to disregard it and then be nothing short of completely shocked when it turns out to be right. Even Google is taking their side, with this image showing up in one of my many diagnostic searches (because who needs a medical degree when you have Google?).
If nothing else, you come here to learn what not to do, am I right?
Survey time: Injuries? How do you deal with them? Medical advice: are doctors and nurses the quacks I choose to believe they are?