Some people have fears of death or heights or dogs.
I’ve got two big bugaboos: portapotties and gym locker rooms. Today, we will discuss the latter.
At work, there is a 24/7 gym where people go to exercise and many of my co-workers use it either before work or during the workday. They enjoy it and they’re all, “heading to the gym now!” and I wave good bye to them, wish them well on their voyage to a healthy lifestyle, and then 5 minutes later when I need something from them I’m cursing them and their god damn inconvenient healthy lifestyle. But that’s a story for another day.
While on a practical level, I understand the idea behind going to the gym at work, I fundamentally could never do this because I will a) never work out in front of co-workers and b) once I was done with high school gym class I vowed to never again set foot in a locker room and/or Bath & Body Works.
Everything I’ve heard about adult gym locker rooms leads me to believe that this is a really prudent, dare I say, wise decision. Apparently, people like to hang out in there naked and just talk to everyone. Which is weird enough when they’re strangers, but seriously, I don’t want to see my boss naked. Ever. No. Really. In fact, I don’t want to see anyone I work with naked.
It’s weird enough seeing them in casual clothes at Trader Joe’s.
This is not limited to just changing clothes, this means I don’t venture into locker rooms at all, ever. Not even to store my stuff. I mentioned offhand to a friend that I’d go to the gym straight from work but where would I put all my crap while I’m on the treadmill? She stared at me and said “You know, they have these things called lockers and they put them in places called [does air quotes] ‘locker rooms’…” But as you now know, locker rooms are just off limits for me.
So if you’re looking for me, and can’t figure out where the hell I am, you can immediately eliminate all the locker rooms in the world because I won’t be in any of them.