How to annoy people (by sounding like a Disney ride)

IMG_2910I kind of vacillate between silent/distant and annoyingly outgoing/loud/boisterous. For some reason, at 5:45am, I tend to be the latter personality as opposed to the former, which makes it that much more annoying. This week I finally got the headset with the microphone I’d been waiting for to cox, so I could talk not just to the rower facing me, but ALL the rowers could hear me! (In my next life, I want to be a Jungle Cruise skipper.) Here is a sampling of what I am like early in the morning as cox and let’s see if you can identify the rides I was thinking of…

“Welcome aboard everyone, I’m Nicole, I’ll be your skipper this morning… Please remember to keep all hands, feet, arms and legs inside the boat at all times (Para su seguridad, permanezca sentado con las manos, brazos, pies, y piernas dentro el barco. Y cuida los ninos) this here’s the wildest ride on the Potomac. When we’re ready, please count down from the bow…

“Mis amigos, pay attention it’s show time, start rowing bow, everyone else set the boat, please.

“Watch it, bow! think beauty and charm, not peril and adventure.

“Your ghostly pallor betrays an aura of foreboding, now as they say, everyone look alive and let’s all stay together, please. If you insist on lagging behind we’re not going to get anywhere except into the river. Stern 4 sit ready to row, aaaaand… ROW.

“Thanks to some amazing new technology I happen to know about I know you’re not doing a power 20. This is embarrassing. You’re like a slow moving journey through time here, pick it up!

[As they’re all rowing as fast as possible and kinda want to die] “Yo ho, yo ho a pirate’s life for meeeeeeeeee…

“Feather! Like a majestic eagle, feather! Ameeeeeeeeeeeriiiiiiiiiiicaaaaaaaaaa, spread your golden wings… Sail on freedom’s wiiiiiiinds… Great bird, with your golden dreams… THE PRESIDENT IS FLYING OVERHEAD WATCHING YOU ROW! DO THIS FOR AMERICA! [fyi, the president’s helicopter was indeed flying overhead AT THAT MOMENT while the sun is rising above the Washington and Lincoln monuments most AMERICA moment ever.]

[At the end as we’re pulling in to the dock] “On behalf of your boat crew, thanks for rowin’ with us.”

Favorite Disney ride lines that I can use to amuse the rowers? If you had your own personal cheerleader while you run, what would you want them to say to you?

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23 thoughts on “How to annoy people (by sounding like a Disney ride)

  1. Ok, this is awesome. Next time I come down to DC can we do this maybe on one of those little paddle boats or something??

    When we were on our DC tour last weekend I did exclaim to the boys “It’s the backside of White House!” when we went around to the other side of the White House…

  2. Ummm, this list is amazing! You’re hired! Well, if I ever row in a real boat you are. Aw, who am I kidding, you’re hired even for me on the row machine! And of course, now I wish I was in WDW, but then again, I always wish I was in WDW.

    BTW, I always wanted to be a Jungle Cruise skipper in this life.

  3. Did you ACTUALLY say all these things? Did everyone think you were insane? THIS IS THE BEST. (I actually heard Patrick Warburton’s voice when I read the last line.)

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