I’m so creepy weird

Now that I’ve told you about how I feel really bad for women in poorly fitting sports bras when their boobs look like they’re going to hit them in the face, now I can tell you something else: men in spandex make me feel really uncomfortable. It’s incredibly awkward.

Yes, I am basically an immature 5 year old.

The summer months are rolling around and I have to say, I’m not looking to body shame anyone here and tell men they shouldn’t wear spandex because if that’s what makes them comfy when they do whatever they do in spandex they should keep doing it. The loose, baggy basketball style shorts I see some guys sporting, I mean, I can’t imagine that doesn’t chafe teh shit out of you and if you feel like your short shorts need a slit up to your waist and you’re happy to wear them, good for you.

But I’ve seen a growing number of guys out and about in spandex and now I feel like I know them a little too well. Winter tights for running, I don’t know if they’re just thicker so they conceal more but I can think of a few cases where men appear to have transitioned to their summer spandex that’s flimsy and basically hides nothing and I feel like a creepy perv who knows way too much about them. For example, I can tell you what type of underwear one gentleman was wearing to row this morning. Visible pantylines do not only afflict the ladies, apparently.

So again, I’m not telling anyone to give up their spandex, I’m just saying that maybe I need to grow up a little bit. Really quickly.

 

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13 thoughts on “I’m so creepy weird

  1. There’s a show during Busch Gardens’ Howl-O-Scream where Frankenstein’s Monster turns out to be a super-hot guy in a speedo. Mind you, as I say, the guy is super-hot. But he’s WEARING A SPEEDO, so I was still like WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PUT ON SOME SHORTS AT LEAST JESUS. There is no level of attractiveness that can save you from spandex. That is all.

  2. LOL…Thank you for this post. I once posted to a cycling forum that I thought men looked funny in cycling shorts. Nobody took it with humor. I was thoroughly slammed. I stand by my opinion though. It looks hilarious when you can tell which side they “dress” to AND you can count the…um…biological landmarks in that area.

    • I very strongly assert that you cannot walk around in spandex and NOT have a sense of humor about it, I mean seriously, have they seen themselves?

      There is one gentleman I row with and… thankfully in the morning it’s dark but once the sun rises it is possible to see when other things rise as well. You know. Yeah.

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