My Mission

Dear Race Directors,

I would like to suggest something that you may think is radical. You may even think it’s kinda crazy but I’m going to strongly encourage you to really, really think about it.

Replace the crappy bagels of yesteryear and the absolutely disgusting boxes filled with food no one wants with something a gazillion times better: SOFT PRETZELS.

The soft pretzel has the perfect blend of delicious saltiness and refreshing blandness that makes it possible for runners to really enjoy it after a race when they feel like anything else might make them vomit. In my opinion, I forget the rest of a race and will come back to run it countless times regardless of anything else you fuck up if your volunteers hand me a salty, soft pretzel at the finish line. I’m serious, It basically makes up for everything from weather to a really crappy course.

This plea is especially going out to races that serve those prefab boxes. I know you think you’re doing people a favor or your saving yourselves money, but how much more awesome would the Walt Disney World Marathon be if at the finish line we were greeted with not only a Mickey shaped medal, but also a Mickey shaped pretzel?

Think about it, people.



18 thoughts on “My Mission

  1. I especially want this in Philly ever since you’ve mentioned that apparently this used to happen there. Also can I just say it was ludicrous that I had to PAY for a glass of champagne after the WDW Marathon this year? I just ran 26.2 miles, give me some bubbly for free. Luckily the champagne stand accepted MagicBand payment…

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