Disney’s Dumbest Prince: An Ode to Prince Eric

PicMonkey CollagePrince Eric is hands down the dumbest Disney Prince. In fact, Eric might arguably be one of the dumbest Disney characters and that’s saying a lot because there are some really dumb characters out there. The guy is strictly eye candy and nothing more, okay, there’s no substance behind the blue eyes.

You might not agree with me about this, but that would make you as dumb as Prince Eric.

Everyone likes to pick on Ariel. She gave up her voice for a man, she gave up her life under the sea and her family for a chance with this putz but instead of thinking of Eric as… um… a person, let’s think of him this way: Eric is the personification of the objects and world Ariel is fascinated with. In a lot of ways, I think the way people pick on Ariel is unwarranted: she knows what she wants, she’s intellectually curious and wants to know what’s going out outside her world. Unlike Belle who followed her, Ariel actively rails against her father and not only does she long to experience the rest of the world, she does something about it. Yeah,  she sells her soul basically to a sea witch but hey, it’s action nonetheless and it exemplifies her own agency–she did it because she wanted to, not because she needed to save someone else or because she was coerced. You go, fishgirl.

Screen shot 2014-06-24 at 8.54.44 PMSo, it seems kind of strange that she would end up with basically the Disney prince equivalent of a himbo. To support this, let’s look at the Prince Eric fanbase. Google image search for this guy and let’s just say people are definitely interested in his flute skills and pectoral muscles in what sometimes borders on a not-suitable-for-work way.

So are Eric and Ariel Disney’s hottest royal couple? Duh.

But just because he’s good looking, doesn’t mean Eric can’t have substance, too, right? Because life is unfair like that, sometimes people get brains and beauty. Don’t worry, in Eric’s case God giveth and God hath taken away.

Diving below Eric’s surface that are a few scenarios that make you kind of pause and wonder if this guy has a brain. If ever Ursula were right about men not looking for intellectual engagement, this is it. Don’t underestimate the importance of body language, Ariel, because Eric probably doesn’t do well with big words. Let’s ignore the fact that he couldn’t save himself during the storm. Whatever, shit happens, no shame in having a merlady come to your rescue. But then he’s completely incapable of remembering her. Like, at all. And before you say it’s because he was traumatized from the storm, let me emphasize that THE DOG KNEW RIGHT AWAY.

Blind people have seeing eye dogs. Eric got a thinking dog.

Okay, so maybe we cut him some slack and say Eric was traumatized but his dog thankfully has better coping mechanisms. Then there’s the way he’s oblivious to the fact that all these fish and wildlife are serenading him and Ariel as they’re in their boat. And the fish are creating some insane romantic mood setting. KissTheGirl-TheLittleMermaid-Then there’s the crab whispering her name in your ear. What, Eric, did you think God was whispering this shit in your ear? YOU’RE NOT EVEN CURIOUS WHERE THAT CARIBBEAN ACCENTED VOICE IS COMING FROM?! This is why you fall for octowoman, seriously. Sorry, I’m getting frustrated, but fyi people: it’s a good idea if you have someone staying in your home and you may be falling for them that you ask them their name and Eric did get this right. You should feel bad if YOU DON’T KNOW THEIR NAME. Mildred. Psh.

I’ll give Eric credit for octowoman, I mean, honestly there was magic involved, a spell, so you know, some slack. But Eric doesn’t stop there, not only does Eric ill advisedly fall for octolady and let’s be honest fails to save the day after his mute house guest turns out to be a mermaid who gets abducted by said octowoman, BUT LIKE FIVE SECONDS LATER AFTER NOT KNOWING HER AT ALL HE’S ALL “OKAY, GUESS I’LL MARRY THIS GIRL INSTEAD!”

Yeah, you and me both, Elsa.

He learned nothing from his previous experience. I mean nothing. You want to talk about Disney princesses making bad choices and rushing into relationships? At least Ariel knew a lot about him, he’s all like, “whoa, hey, turns out you’re half fish and your dad’s got magical powers? I guess we should just married now!” Five minutes later they’re back on the same damn boat, not even a change of venue.

So yeah, please feel free to add how dumb you think Eric is. I’m not saying he’s not hot, I’m just saying no one’s living upstairs.


7 thoughts on “Disney’s Dumbest Prince: An Ode to Prince Eric

  1. “Blind people have seeing eye dogs. Eric got a thinking dog.” This entire thing was brilliant.

  2. Pingback: You can Shang me anytime | Pink Elephant on Parade

  3. Pingback: Week 28: The Little Mermaid | A Year in Disney Movies

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