1. Noon is the best time to run. Some people say you should go early in the morning or late at night, I think those people are cowards and aren’t dedicated to running. You go out when it’s the hottest out and then you can brag to everyone else about how badass you are. “Oh, you ran 20 miles at 5am in August? I ran 20 miles and I started at high noon.” Plus the extra light makes it easier to find your body.
2. Ask yourself: is this stylish? Some people pick running clothes in the summer based on comfort, breathability, and other practical features. I say, before you go outside ask yourself if you look good because if you look good, chances are you’re dressed inappropriately for running but your good looks will get your more help from other people in the event you pass out.
3. Hydration is for suckers. No, really, those people with their water bottles and their drinking? Total wimps. Your body is like 99.95% water, okay, you’re carrying enough with you, you don’t need any extra chafing away in some fuel belt.
4. Sunscreen is also for suckers. Coppertone is in cahoots with Banana Boat. Just ignore them.
5. Shade is the enemy. Sure, you could run on the shady side of the street, but isn’t that kind of a cop out? Plus, if you run close to a wall you’ll get the heat radiating off the sidewalk and the wall and it’ll feel even warmer.
Summer is the perfect time to really push yourself! Find the biggest, shadeless, steepest hills you can or push the pace! If you don’t want to throw up at the end of your run, you’ve obviously been doing something wrong. And remember, guys, winter is just a few short months away and when it’s done, you’ll be too relieved to grieve because the cold never bothered you anyway.