I’m walking away from this weekend really thinking about the marathon and whether or not I can actually do it. I haven’t had a good run in what is now weeks and I can’t even get myself through a 10k. I feel dead and tired and just all around can’t move. The 10k was a shit show by mile 2 and I dare say I was getting close to being swept it was going so badly.
At this point, I feel like I’m at that crossroads where I’m either going to decide to stick with running and be okay with the fact that I just can’t run anything akin to what I was running a year ago or just abandon it entirely. I’m dreading the Staten Island half which is only 2 weeks away, and seriously wondering if I’ll even be able to complete it in the allowed time that’s how badly things are going.
Just thinking about running now makes me want to cry because I don’t know where I went wrong. I put in all this time and effort training, and it hasn’t done anything for me. Nothing. In fact, I feel like if anything I’ve just regressed to be worse than I was a year ago and I’m at a loss of what to do about it. I thought it was a temporary bump in the road, but now it’s over a month and nothing is working. I’m confused and frustrated and angry.
People talk about these things like they’re the result of “you didn’t train hard enough,” so what do you do when you train hard and nothing happens? How do I train harder and get worse? I’m angry with running and disappointed with myself at this point and I just don’t know what to do about it anymore.