Tinkerbell Half Marathon

We all know it. We’re all thinking it. I’m just going to go ahead and say it: Tinkerbell should not have her own half marathon. TINKERBELL IS THE SINGLE MOST HORRIBLE FEMALE DISNEY CHARACTER.

Don’t look at me like that, you know it’s true.

She clings to Peter Pan even though it’s a completely abusive relationship–he gives her no respect, no appreciation, no consideration. Strike 1. She is incredibly jealous of other female characters. I mean, she fucking tries to get Wendy killed. Think about that. Strike 2. And did I mention she’s narcissistic, petty and vindictive? Strike 3. Screen shot 2015-05-10 at 10.23.06 AM

Tinkerbell is a villain who doesn’t have any lines but does have a short hemline and a dress that displays cleavage. Her rise to fame as part of this new series of movies and recreation of the character without the presence of her ever annoying bro, Peter Pan, is something that never ceases to totally amaze me. SHE FUCKING TRIED TO GET SOMEONE KILLED.

Let’s be honest, if any female Disney character should get her own race weekend that’s one grueling challenge after another it’s Mulan. Mulan doesn’t just emphasize the race, it’s even got the best training montage of any Disney film ever. Screen shot 2015-05-10 at 9.36.52 AM

Swift as the coursing river on your speed work days. The strength of a raging fire on your strength day. And it’s the Disney race that has no gender binary! Is it a women’s race? Is it a men’s race?! WHO KNOWS WHO CARES! GENDER IS SOCIALLY CONSTRUCTED, LET’S FIGHT THE MAN.

So, what Disney character would you give a race?

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4 thoughts on “Tinkerbell Half Marathon

  1. I admittedly do have a tattoo of Tinkerbell, but not because I like her, but because she was the only “symbol” of Disney I could put running sneakers on. I think there should be a Baymax themed race: “I am not fast” That’s right, a race designed for us slow people in the world! What? You run a 7 minute mile? Back to corral O! You run a 13 minute mile? Hello corral B. Welcome.

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