Questions I’ll Raise

DSCN0383In Peter Pan, there’s a song called “Captain Hook Never Breaks a Promise.” In it, the pirates are trying to lure the Lost Boys into joining them on the ship as new pirate recruits. In the song, the pirates clearly state that if the boys sign up, they’ll “get treasure by the ton.”

Now, being stupid they all rush to sign the book and then Wendy gives some stupid lecture about Peter coming to save them (you know, because he’s a model of respectability and reliability). But Wendy is pretty stupid because a rational person would say, “Now, wait a minute, let’s talk about this ‘treasure by the ton’ promise.”

First, what constitutes treasure? Are we talking gold, precious jewels, viable black market organs? I mean, the actual monetary value of this treasure can be subjective and surely the pirates, being in it for the booty if you will, need to know what exactly they’re getting in exchange for their efforts.  “Oh cool, we just took down this ship that was carrying… bird poop.”  No, really, ships in the colonial era did in fact transport feces, one of them is on display at the South Street Seaport now. Fertilizer.

DSCN0386Second, even if you’re hauling treasure by the ton, what is Hook’s cut of this treasure? What is it, like 70-30? 50-50? 90-10? Clearly Hook, as captain, takes a percentage and you boys would be wise to look into that before making any kind of contractual agreement.  Naturally, as a pirate captain he’s more likely to not exactly advocate equitable distribution of assets. What about vacation? Health benefits? Retirement? You can’t pirate forever, boys.

Don’t sign the book til you know the terms, boys.

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