Adventures in Cat Yoga

IMG_8257My family has never been cat people. As a child, I had a friend who had a cat and she used to show up with scratches on her arm and when I asked her what happened she’d say “Oh you know, tried cuddling Lulu last night…”

I grew up with dogs. Loving, affectionate, warm, snuggly, cuddly dogs. Labs, the dumb blondes of the dog world according to poodle people. I get dogs. I speak dog. Belly rub, back scratch, roughhousing, chew toys. But I’ve been dog-less for over a year now and I’m going bat shit insane, it’s like withdrawal only worse because everywhere I look there are people walking around enjoying their dog-filled lives and throwing it in my fucking face.

IMG_8261Recently, a cat cafe called Crumbs & Whiskers opened in Georgetown and for $25, you get (theoretically) 1.5 hours of yoga and a half hour of cat cuddling time (it started late and finished early so the yoga portion was about 45 minutes). I thought, “I love dogs, I enjoy cat videos, I’m willing to pay to pet” so I signed up.

We’ll ignore the fact that the yoga class was not great. There were too many people in too tight a space but who cares because people were there for CATS. Listen, I’m not a lifelong cat person but all these people were cat people (and FYI yes they were all women) and I left thinking, if you know cats, why the hell would you go here? CATS ARE NO FUN. They sit there, staring, judging you. I mean, I did yoga and felt like one of the cats was just staring at me with a look that said, “You worthless needy piece of shit.”

The extent of the cat interaction was one sat on my yoga mat but only if I promised to completely ignore her presence there. If anything, this experience made me miss dogs even more. You take dogs out for runs! You play with dogs! These were women playing with cat toys because they were trying to get the cats to play with them and the cats were like “Ugh, fuck you” so it was just a bunch of women standing around playing with cat toys and trying to lure a cat onto a yoga mat and then getting jealous of the one woman who got an affectionate cat to latch on to her.

IMG_8258I’m not kidding, one woman who couldn’t get a cat to sit on her mat made a catty comment about how a cat loved another woman and no one else because he sat on HER mat. Cat people.

If I wanted to get judged and feel really poorly about my life choices and have all displays of affection met with disdain, I could just hang out with my mother, ok. If I’m cleaning up your crap you better fucking love me unconditionally and snuggle with me.

Then there was Cat Smell, which I was also unprepared for.

So long story short, if you love cats and you’re in DC and they’re doing this class go if you want to spend some time with cats and you know what that means, don’t go if you’re looking for a good yoga class and/or a substitute for a dog because you will be sorely disappointed.  It wasn’t a bad deal, it was just me not being used to cats and really, really missing my dog.

 

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Adventures in Cat Yoga

  1. I was a dog person too, and actually disliked cats a LOT, until I got one of my own! She’s awesome, and loves to snuggle 🙂 Cat smells are bad, but easy to combat if you just clean up, so that yoga place is failing on that level…not cool.

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